DilutedLife

My Life Story
First things first. I grew up in a town called Sun Prairie, located near Madison (wi). Ever since I moved from the country into the city, i got "chubby" or "fat" no big thing (to me). But other people didn't seem to accept it so much. I was picked on, teased upon, etc. I guess it wasnt as bad as some other stories I've heard from other people. But it was bad enough.

I moved to the city because my so-called father cheated on my mother, and she wanted a divorce (go mom!). I no longer consider him related to me. The only family I have now is my mom, my friends, and Juggalos.

I was kind of a spoiled bitch . . I got what I wanted, when I wanted. Wasn't my fault that the adults around me were willing to give me free stuff, but later on throughout life, I learned to stop actin like a spoiled bitch, and become a real person, but thats later on in the story.

In elementary I teased people also, even other fat people. Kids are mean sons of bitches. I did ok in school up until about 7th grade, then I realized I could always talk my mom into me getting out of school. Middle school was a hard time for me cuz i got teased extra there. Mainly because I wore sweat pants, and stretched out shirts. But why should they give a fuck what a wear. Its too bad I didnt have my "fuck you, I'm me" attitude back then. I didnt, . . . so I mainly just got depressed about it. And pushed the world off to the side.

Middle school went by, although I had to take summer school cuz I failed all my classes, well . . most of them at least. 8th grade passed, and next year it was time for highschool. I always did hate getting teased about sweat pants. I was just too bullheaded about actually trying on jeans. But in 9th grade I got some jeans. I started to wear jynco and boss (keep in mind I was not ghetto whatsoever, lol) but I still wore my stretched out shirts, one in which had a picture of Elmo on it. Why I liked that shirt, i have no clue. But all through out highschool I tried finding out where I was, who I was, what I wanted to look like, etc.

Meanwhile my grades . . . failing. Passing some classes but not enough. One semester getting d's c's and an A, the next semester straight f's. I liked to talk too much, specially near the end of my highschool career. Some classes everybody would hate me, no friends. Other classes everybody seemed to stick to me like glue. Even the teachers sometimes found me humerous. But I'm kinda getting ahead of myself here . . . lets get to the part where I started my way to becoming a Juggalo.

It wasnt until ICP was on howard stern that I first heard about ICP. I saw them in their clown make-up, and I think I even heard some of their music in the background. "White rappers in clown paint" this I had to check out. I had no idea what to expect, all I knew is that they looked mad wicked and that made me curious. So I went out and bought the Great Milenko cd. I listened to it backwords and forwards. After that I went out and bought all their back albums, well, the ones I could find anyways. Carnival of Carnage, Ringmaster, Riddle Box, Beverly Kills, Terror Wheel, Tunnel of Love, Forgotten Freshness 1 + 2, etc etc. I pretty much listened to it 24/7. But even though I had all the cds, I still wasnt truly a Juggalo. I'm not sure if there was an exact point in time that I became one, but we'll get to that later.

My friends in highschool were the friends I always had, give or take a few. The ones I always hung out with in elementary. But me being a spoiled bitch, and still not grown up, kinda fucked those friendships up over time. My best friend I kinda treated like shit, he started hangin out with a different crowd, I get jealous, and I started to act jealous. Anyways, sooner or later he had put up with enough of my shit, and him and our friends, without lettin me know, cancelled our friendship. There was never once, not once, any direct communication about it. Only way I found out anything, was through mutual friends. Even though I was at times a bitch, I do not til this day regret losing them as friends. Losing them as friends has turned my life out for the better. I started to finally realize that the world doesnt revolve around me, that I need to start payin attention to how I act, and how I treat others. Even though I now had it in my head that theres something I need to change, the losing friends thing still wasn't over.

One friend remained my friend, through the whole thing. I won't mention his name. But we were best friends. Had been best friends for a few years. Since the end of 8th grade. But a month or so after 12th grade ended. We had a fight online over some stupid shit, he said he didnt give a shit about my problems, and that they were just that, my problems, and that he doesnt want to hear about them, they are my responsibility. Well, feeling offended I told him to go fuck himself. The other friends problem was my problem, I was acting like a bitch. But to hear my best friend tell me that our friendship is more like a business relationship, just hurts. By business relationship I mean in the way that he was just my friend, for the sake of having a best friend. Anyways, I didnt wanna take that shit, and moved on with my life.

This is when I started to really become a Juggalo, I was already down with ICP's music, had been for quite some time. But for me, becoming a Juggalo started when I started to realize who I am, and what I believe in. And realizing that it doesnt matter what other people think of me (even though iother peoples opinions *do* get to me once in a while). But I was finally becoming who I am today, who I want to be. I try and be the best friend I can, help em out when they need help, and help solve their problems if they need help being solved. Granted I'm not perfect, this I realize, but for once in my life I had good intentions. I was finally aware when, and when I wasn't, being an asshole.

So here I am now, pretty much a loner socially wize (in which I don't mind, considering I'm not much of a people person anymore). I do however have a few friends that I hang out with. My gf Becci, Danielle, Jess, Blair, Trevor. Haven't seen too much of em over the summer. But thats just b'cuz I like being in front of the computer, alone, in the dark, at night, where I feel safest.

But I got online friends, few online Juggalo friends. And thats enough for me. I could give a fuck less bout bein popular, and/or having lots of online friends, and lots of friends in real life. Give me a few friends who think of me as their brother, and I'm set for life.

So there you have it. Thats my definition of Juggalo. A Juggalo is what it is, and thats what I am. I regret nothing in my past. For the past is what has made me who I am today. So how can I regret something that in the end, turned out non-stale?

MMFCL to all Juggalos Around.